How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
