nut hugger
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
