Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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