Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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