Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we're so committed to being not committed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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