I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
