They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize