it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
