I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I could fuck to npr.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize