In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
