omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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