9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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