She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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