I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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