Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
