3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
