I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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