One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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