If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
