is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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