I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
