Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
