okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
