My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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