Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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