the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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