I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
