Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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