I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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