Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
