I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize