your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
