Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
