she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
this hospital has no fireball
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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