i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
