dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you inspire me to be a worse person
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
