Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
