I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
