it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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