Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
