youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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