too bad you live with your parents still
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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