I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
