can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
