Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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