I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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