why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
