dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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