well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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