if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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