So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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