im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
