walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
