maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
