Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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