we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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