I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
