For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
