What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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