Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
