3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think my fart just growled at me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
