Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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