There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
