Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
